The Great Ocean Road has to be the most spectacular ocean drive in the world. What about California’s Route 66 you ask. Bah – it’s nothing in comparison! So, before winter sets in, we decided to go away for the weekend but elected to stay close to Melbourne, close that is in Australian terms – i.e. within four hours drive – down the Great Ocean Road.
One of the best things about the Australian countryside is how unmistakably Australian it is, even rural Victoria which is probably the least out-backy of all of the states. More than anything I think the fauna is responsible for making Australia so unique. God must have been in a very playful mood indeed when he turned his attention to creating this continent’s animals and birds for it seems that all the world’s weirdest and most wonderful are to be found here. I mean, what on earth was he thinking of when he designed a kangaroo? Or a spiny-backed echidna? Or a platypus. “Okay, let’s see,” I can hear him saying, turning his attention to designing the latter. “First I’ll take a duck’s bill, then I’ll add some fur, then some webbed feet and … ahm … let’s try a beaver’s tail and, for fun, I think I’ll have it reproduce by laying eggs though I’ll make it semi-aquatic. Now, all I need is a fittingly silly name.” Yes, he was definitely a bit giddy that day.
KANGAROOS – NEXT 2 KM is a common sign on the Great Ocean Road as on many others. In my innocence, I initially thought its purpose was to give tourists time to get their cameras ready but, having come to the realisation that there are far more kangaroos lying inert on the roadside than skipping along merrily, I now understand that the real purpose of these signs is to warn drivers that any minute now a kangaroo could come bounding out of the bushes and onto the bonnet of the car.
In fact, the signs along the road in general add quite a bit of interest to the journey. IF YOU DRINK AND DRIVE, YOU’RE A BLOODY IDIOT we’re warned from the verge - no beating around the bush here for Australians are not renowned for subtlety. Further along it’s proclaimed that DROWSY DRIVERS DIE! by a plain-speaking Road Authority concerned at the danger of drivers falling asleep at the wheel on a road that is – get this - too straight, too well-surfaced. (So you see, there is some benefit to badly-surfaced, windy country roads.) To prevent such accidents other signs offer FREE TEA AND COFFEE courtesy of the Roads Authority. (Yes - free teas and coffees! Imagine if such an offer was made in Ireland; people would no doubt feel compelled to stop every time to avail of it, we’d never get anywhere and dotted along every roadside would be groups of motorists gathered around chatting, sipping their free beverages.)
Signs indicating nearby towns are of interest too for so many of them are reminiscent of the ‘Old World’ - Anglesea. Torquay, Sorrento - Portarlington even! One can just imagine the debates amongst the early settlers. “Well I favour calling the place Torquay on account of how I went there with my missus once, on our honeymoon. What do you think Captain?” “I don’t know about that George. I mean it’s not exactly original, now is it?” “Yeah, but Captain, we’re on the other side of the world, we’re not likely to get many visitors who’d know that we swiped the name, now are we?”
How wrong they were! Each time we stopped to admire the views, a bus pulled up within seconds and disgorged its load of middle-aged English tourists, cameras at the ready, all “Oohs and ahhs” and “Oh Mavis, isn’t it just love-ly?” And they’re right.
Just how lovely? Well, you’ll just have to come and see for yourself.
