No Turkey, No Robin Red Breasts, No Snow Back to Image Columns List Right now the shops are awash with the most vibrant colours; there’s every shade of orange, pink, lime and yellow. And everywhere I look there’s something I feel I just have to have from the rails and rails of gorgeous slip-like dresses and racks of strappy, beaded, summer stiletto sandals and the vast range of to-die-for swimwear. But it’s just … it’s just … ALL WRONG and no amount of tinsel, glittery balls or fairy lights will make it right for – in the run-up to Christmas – swimwear and summer sandals have NO place in the shops. And I don’t care if this is Australia and temperature are in the thirties for Christmas fashion should mean luxuriant winter coats and scarves and knee-high boots. END OF STORY. And besides, it’s just too hot to even bother with shopping in any case which is completely absurd since, for the more secular amongst us, shopping is the whole point of Christmas! That and partying. And as the festive season kicks in, already the evenings see the pavements outside inner-Melbourne bars crowded with revellers en route to Christmas parties. Clad in the aforementioned slip-like dresses and strappy sandals, tanned girls and their male companions stand around, enjoying the balmy evening, sipping champagne. NO. NO-NO. NO-NO. JUST HOLD IT A SECOND. Like, where are the hot ports? The mince pies? The roaring fires? Champagne and balmy evenings are all very well but they hardly make for a Christmas atmosphere. And there are no Christmas trees. No robin redbreasts. No snow (or rain). No traditional Christmas dinner. (Only the insane and the newly-arrived go down the brussels sprouts/turkey/plum pudding route. We did last Christmas but all newcomers are allowed one year to appreciate the foolishness of cooking a turkey – the many hours required only serve to send already unbearable temperatures sky high and tempers even higher.) But it’s not all bad. I was never all that enamoured with turkey and brussels sprouts and I’m more that happy with the salads, the seafood and the frozen desserts which make up the traditional Aussie Christmas fare. We do have Santa, of course, though a foolish one who insists on wearing his red and white suit thereby risking heat-stroke. Given the lack of chimneys in this hot land, I’m not sure exactly how he carries out his duties. In Ireland, I have to admit that for me the thrill of Christmas day itself usually wore a little thin at about five with the long winter night looming ahead; with the prospect of board games and mediocre television to look forward to. At 5.00 p.m. this year, when temperatures have just begun to cool down, we – along with most of the nation – will be heading to the beach and with many hours of light still left we’ll have time for a swim and for the picnic  we’ll round off with champagne and strawberries. Which I have to admit sounds pretty good. But then, does it really matter whether it’s sunny or cold? Whether it’s an evening spent by the fire or on the beach? Whether it’s plum pudding and mulled wine or champagne and strawberries? All that really matters at Christmas is who you’re with so I hope you’re with the ones you love. And for those we love – we’ll miss you! Happy Christmas!   Back to Image Columns List