Seats 86A, 86B, 86C and 85D, London – Beijing flight. Late afternoon.
Debbie
5.05 p.m. We’re in the air – finally. The stewardess has just ordered Genevieve, who’s restless already, to please return to her seat and to stay there until the seatbelt sign has been switched off.
Genevieve
Do they think it’s only midgets who need to fly? I’d have expected a plane going all the way to Beijing would be a bit roomier but instead we’re all squashed in like flaming sardine sandwiches and I’d like to know where the hell they think our legs are supposed to go and it’s not like I’m fat or anything but I’m bloody well wedged into my seat and I’ve nowhere to put anything and I’m already beginning to get cramps in my legs and my neck is stiff out.
Debbie
5.15 p.m. The seatbelt sign’s been switched off and Genevieve’s out of her seat like a bullet and straight over to us. She wants to know why she’s stuck beside a total stranger whereas we three got to sit together.
5.25 p.m. She’s back again. This time to complain about how she’s feeling very boxed in and how flying is far worse for her on account of her being so tall.
5.30 p.m. And again. Now she wants us to know that she suffers from claustrophobia, or at least she thinks she does.
5.45 p.m. And again. What’s more, she tells us, the stranger beside her is really beginning to get on her nerves, though hardly as much as she’s getting on his for every time he picks up his book and looks set to continue where he left off reading, she’s at him to either leave her back in or back out again.
The stewardess has just come to tell her that she’s going to have sit down and stay sitting as she’s causing an obstruction in the gangway.
6.00 p.m. The flight attendant’s words have fallen on deaf hears and Genevieve is back again and is listening open-mouthed as Maeve deliberately adds to her woes by giving her an in-depth account of an article she read lately about the numbers of people who die each year from blood clots they develop whilst flying economy class on long haul flights.
The attendant has now come storming down and has told Genevieve that if she doesn’t sit down immediately she’s going to get the pilot to come out to see to Genevieve personally. Muttering to herself, Genevieve has reluctantly resumed her seat.
At least worrying about clots will give her something to occupy her mind.
Maeve
Beginning to wonder if I’m completely Off My Head.
Like, what am I doing going away like this when Dylan & I have been together for such a short time??????
But how could I not go when Debs & I had been planning our Big Trip for yrs & yrs & yrs?
If I’d pulled out or if I’d let her pull out then it would have been Curtains For Our Friendship – no doubt. And despite our ups & downs that means everything to me.
I mean things are still a bit fraught b’tween us as it is but at least this trip will give us a chance to get back to the way we used to be – I hope.
Altho’ it might not help (Understatement Of The Year) if Dylan comes out & joins up with us.
Not that I’ll be holding my breath.
Lately he can hardly get it together to buy himself a new jacket – so wouldn’t bank on him arranging tickets, visas etc, etc, etc & getting himself on a plane at the appointed time.
Funny, don’t remember him being so outta control when he was going out with Debs.
But at least he’s happy for me to be going away.
But will he feel diff. after a few wks all alone? Now that’s the big qst.
For one, he’s not exactly the type to be content to sit in on his own, watching T.V. on a Sat. night. His past record hardly instils confidence & Rick & the boys aren’t exactly going to be interested in keeping him on the Straight & Narrow.
Funny that the reasons I’m attracted to him (v. good-looking, a bit mental etc, etc, etc) are the very reasons I’ve such qualms about leaving him now on his ownie-o.
Debbie
8.00 p.m. It’s impossible to get any sleep with Laura going on and on about how she’s flying out to Asia to research this book she’s been commissioned to write. She’s talking at the top of her voice of course so that everyone around is sure to hear her.
All the flight attendant asked was if she was off on holiday.
Meave
But I just need to rem. that Dylan is nuts about me.
No doubt.
Everyone says so – least everyone bar Debs. She doesn’t say anything.
So I mustn’t be silly – of course I can trust him.
Course I can.
Course I can.
L is now leaning over, pretending to be reading what I’m writing.
- Dylan this, Dylan that, Dylan, Dylan, Dylan blah-de-blah blah blah. Big fat yawn.
Such is her summary.
Debbie
8.30 p.m. And Maeve is still going on about Dylan. You’d think she could be a little more sensitive and not mention him quite as much.
I know I was the one who broke it off with him but not because I’d fallen out of love with him, as Maeve knows, but for other very valid reasons. Like his out-of-control drinking, his drug habit, his lack of any proper job, his run-in’s with the law. I think that about covers it.
Genevieve
I’m not really complaining but how come the others got to sit together and I got stuck next to this fellow who is just unbelievably annoying and it’s almost impossible to write when he’s practically up on top of me like this and I really feel like turning to him and asking him did he ever hear of personal space. He’s Australian I think and I have to say that it’s just so typical of Australians to take up as much room as they like for I suppose they’d be used to the space what with having the outback right on their doorstep and that. And why can’t he just keep his knees together? What is it with men? Why do they always sit like that with their legs sprawled all over the place without the slightest bit of regard for the people around them?
The back of my left calf is beginning to feel sort of funny and sort of dead with this kind of odd numbing ache. I hope it’s not a clot.
Debbie
10.00 p.m. Genevieve is making all sorts of wriggling movements and strange faces at her neighbour. He’s staring back at her with a completely bemused expression on his face. She’s gesticulating furiously at his elbow. I think she wants him to move it.
Genevieve
I wonder how long a clot would take to travel to a person’s heart. God Almighty! How much longer do we have to stick this? I’ve hardly room enough to write but at least I think I’ve finally got it through the Australian’s skull that the armrest isn’t just his and that he’s meant to be sharing it.
Anyway what I was going to write about before I got sidetracked was how strange it is to think that here we are, us four old classmates, heading off together like this after all these years. It’s funny but to look at Laura now you’d never guess in a million years that she came from somewhere as countryish as Portrea. She hardly has a trace of an Irish accent now not to mind a Portrea one. She really leaves Debbie and Maeve in the halfpenny place and I used to think they were the height of sophistication!
Of course my parents never really approved of Laura when we were young and I’d say they used to think she was full of herself but in the end didn’t she show them all by making a bit of a name for herself in the world of journalism. Her boyfriend Felix is also in the media and presents a radio show in London so he was telling me when we met him in Heathrow so I guess you could say he’s a bit famous even if I’ve never heard of him myself. I must say I thought he was very good-looking and very well-spoken though I couldn’t say I really warmed to him as such. I just didn’t like the way he kept forgetting my name even though I must have reminded him I don’t know how many times. You’d think having such a bad head for names would be a terrible handicap for someone in his line of work. And you wouldn’t call him outgoing either though you’d expect he should be and honestly I had to drag the information out of him. I hate to say it but I actually found him quite cold. And I got the distinct impression that Laura was trying to hurry him away, like she wasn’t too keen for him to meet us. I’d have said she was embarrassed by her old school friends if I didn’t know any better!
Debbie
11.00 p.m. Laura certainly hasn’t grown out of her desperate need to impress. She’s now going on about her book to a girl sitting in the seat in front.
But what I don’t get is why she’s coming away with us. She’s not exactly the back-packing sort so how come she’s happy to rough it with us? Especially given the huge advance I just heard her saying she’s getting.
Maeve
Ho hum. Dying for a ciggie.
And another drink.
Already had a couple – if I have any more Debs will start on at me.
Sometimes she seems to think she’s my mother. Or like a mother should be.
You’d swear I was, like, a total alkie the way she goes on.
Wish I could get some sleep.
Maybe I should follow G’s example & do some exercises.
She’s been marching up one aisle & down the other for over ½ an hr now, puffing & panting as she goes, pausing every now & then to do a few squats all the better to ward off the dreaded clots.
Think more people are watching her than the official in-flight entertainment.
Debbie
11.15 p.m. The bitching has started.
Sure Genevieve is daft and sure she’s making a show of herself right now doing laps around and around the plane but if Laura thinks I’m going to be giggling with her behind Genevieve’s back she’s got another thing coming.
I know I was concerned about Laura coming on this trip but I think I’m going to find it even harder than I imagined.
Genevieve
I am knackered. The sweat is just pouring off me no exaggeration for I’ve been doing some exercises but hopefully they’ll put a stop to those clots lodging. I’ll do some more again in an hour or so.
I must admit that at first I was worried about travelling with Laura for as I say I just hadn’t seen her in so long and we were never really close but now I think it’s probably for the best as Maeve is a bit too laid-back and I’m afraid Debbie is the other extreme altogether and will have us going from morning to night if we’re not careful. God Almighty! I see she has her nose stuck in her guidebook yet again though she must have the whole thing learned off by heart by now. She hardly put it down the entire time we were in Heathrow and kept reading out bits she thought were interesting though what other people think and what Debbie thinks is interesting are two very different things.
Maeve
Arragh!!
How many more hrs??
Could really do with another drink.
Or something stronger.
Am Going Completely Out Of My Mind!!!!!!!
Genevieve
I’d like to know just who the hell that airhostess or stewardess or flight attendant or whatever it is you’re meant to call them nowadays thinks she is. Telling me that I was getting in her way and ordering me back to my seat like that at the top of her voice! She’d do well to bear in mind that it’s us passengers who pay her wages and if I die from a clot I will sue her personally. And she can threaten me all she likes but it’ll take more than a few words from her precious pilot to scare me.
And if it’s not bad enough having her harping on at me and being cooped up here like this and being forced to breathe in the same air as everyone else over and over, now the Australian’s feet have begun to stink no exaggeration and I thought Australians would be particular when it came to hygiene what with their love of the beach and that. But now that I look at him he doesn’t seem at all well. He’s awfully pale for an Australian. I just hope he doesn’t go getting clots. Him collapsing on top of me is all I need right now. He has the look of a heavy smoker and I already know for a fact he’s a heavy drinker for Ms Hoity-toity Airhostess can’t pass up or down the aisle without him calling her over and demanding yet another gin and tonic. But at least it’s giving her something to do besides fixing her hair and filing her nails. Some people are just so vain. I mean she’s not even all that good-looking and I’d say she must be forty if she’s a day though from the carry-on of her you’d think she was about half that age and her manner leaves a lot to be desired so don’t ask me how she ever got to be an airhostess.
Debbie
3.30 a.m. Genevieve’s just woken us to tell us her latest concern. She’s afraid that her neighbour is going to fly off into one of those “so-called air rages” at any moment for it seems he’s a drinker who’s drinking a lot and a smoker who isn’t allowed smoke – a lethal combination according to Genevieve.
Genevieve
For crying out loud, why should I have to put up with this? I can’t breathe with the smell from the Australian’s stinking feet. God Almighty, he’s now asking for yet another gin! And there’s something very odd about his face. I think it’s the shape of his eyebrows though I can’t be sure for every time I try to get a good look, he stares back at me really rudely.
There! I just knew he was an alcoholic. Three swallows and he’s finished his gin! And where on earth is he off to now?
Debbie
4.00 a.m. We’re all wide-awake now. This flight seems to be going on forever. Laura’s just overheard Genevieve’s neighbour complaining to one of the attendants about Genevieve. It seems he’s not very happy for a number of reasons: she keeps staring at him, shoving his elbow off the shared armrest, tut-tutting loudly every time he takes a sip from his drink and fanning his feet with the in-flight magazine. It seems he wants to change seats and is prepared to take anything at all.
Maeve
Debs told me to stop fidgeting & just go & write in my diary or something.
Am going insane!!
Truly.
In-flight entertainment rubbish.
Thought Morecambe & Wise were dead.
Miss Dylan so much already.
He is such a cutie tho’ a wee bit dumb sometimes.
Take our last day in town for e.g. when I pointed out these Ray Bans to him in a shop window & he took the hint (or so I thought) & went hurrying inside but – 5 min. later – came back out with a (wait for it …) torch!
Said he thought it’d be of more use on our trip!
That I’d hardly be pointing out designer sunglasses to him if it was, like, a torch I secretly hankered after hadn’t occurred to him.
Oh but I miss him soooo much.
Genevieve
I think I misjudged that airhostess for she obviously has some cop-on as she’s just moved old fatso Mr Australian to another seat. I suppose she must have seen how awful it was for me to be stuck next to the likes of him. As soon as I get an opportunity I must be sure to thank her.
Anyway, what I was going to write about before I got started on him was boyfriends and how one of the worst things about going away is having to leave them behind. I’m leaving poor Theo and Maeve is leaving Dylan and Laura is leaving Felix. Debbie’s the only one of us who isn’t going out with anyone at the moment but then it’s always been the same old story with her for although she’s quite nice looking in her own way she never seems to be able to hold onto one. She even went out with Dylan for a while before he and Maeve got together which I gather was the cause of the big falling-out between herself and Maeve. Not that either of them told me much about it but for a while there it seemed like the whole trip was going to be off until I managed to talk them both around.
But I’d really love to see Debbie settled with someone nice. I’ve always thought Theo’s brother Trevor would be ideal and we’d get on really well as a foursome and I know he’s interested in her but despite my best efforts whenever she’s home from Dublin for the weekend I’ve never been able to get them together. At least not yet but fingers crossed! As Trevor says, she’s just acting mean to keep him keen. And he is. Very keen. Of course if we are to have a double wedding they’d want to hurry up about getting together. Ha ha!
Maeve
Just found a strip of passport photos of Dylan in one of my pockets.
Guess he must have slipped it in before I left.
What a softy!
Can just see him. Racing off to the photo-booth (all excited with his great idea) then sitting there with his hair tidied & his face all smiley.
Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap.
Definitely a cutie.
Now I’m embarrassed! G just passed on her way to the toilets & saw me kissing the photos. Of all the people! Can’t imagine her ever acting so foolishly!
Should try & sleep but it’s imposs. & we have hrs to go …..…
Genevieve
At least Laura and Debbie managed to get some shut-eye though Laura is wide awake now and is tapping away on that little computer of hers again but poor Maeve’s been awake the whole time like myself. When I passed by on my way down to the toilets a little while ago she was sighing over some photos of Dylan and kissing them which is something I can’t ever imagine myself doing with photos of Theo though that doesn’t mean to say that I’m not every bit as fond of him as she is of Dylan. Theo and I have been together for seven years after all and though I hate to say it, I doubt if Maeve and Dylan will last even a fraction of that time. To be honest I don’t know what she sees in him but maybe I’m missing something for Debbie used to be cracked about him too. I mean I can see he’s very good-looking and all that but he’s just too off the wall for me.
The airhostess is going around with some wet cloths and waking everyone up and it looks like they’ll be coming around with the trolley again soon. I’m not really all that hungry but I guess I should eat whatever’s going as God only knows what kind of food we’ll get in Beijing. There can’t be more than a hour left to go now.
Debbie
6.30 a.m. Ever since the attendant announced we’re coming in to land, Genevieve’s been poking around, packing up everything she can find to take away with her. And I mean everything. Earphones, in-flight magazine, socks, even the little pillow and blanket they supply for the duration of the flight.
Not that she can have all that much room left in her bag. Laura says that after dinner she watched her stash away the plastic cutlery set, two little bottles of wine, a mini can of coke, a portion of cheese as well as a bunch of face wipes.
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